You're my little dorito
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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