But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
When are your genitals available?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
