but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
