So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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