I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
