Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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