I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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