Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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