Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That's how pantless uber rides happen
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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