the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
