I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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