even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
