If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You did what with his pubic hair?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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