TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
