i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
