I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
