did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
