he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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