I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It was confusing and full of hummus
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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