so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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