ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
