Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
