shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
