Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
