she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
