I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
