Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
