I just threw up on my dentist
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
