We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
