she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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