can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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