Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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