It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I supernannyed him into submission
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
