Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
