this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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