I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
