Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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