I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
