My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
