Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
FUCK WHALES
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
