Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
