I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
