if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
