I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
