Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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