Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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