I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
