we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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