It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I hate all girls vehemently.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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