Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
barbara walters just said penis...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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