Where is the hickey?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
