you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
