this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
