youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
