I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
