found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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