He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
