So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
