i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
