and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
