i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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