I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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