Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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