she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
