I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
