Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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