I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
