I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
