I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
