I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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